You decided to change. You meant it. For a while, something shifted.

Then, somewhere between the decision and the destination, the momentum quietly ran out. The habit slipped. The new way of thinking got crowded out by the old one. Life got busy, or hard, or just relentlessly ordinary. You ended up back where you started, wondering what went wrong.

Nothing went wrong. This is just what change can look like from the inside.

It’s not about motivation

We've been sold this idea that change is about motivation. That if you want something badly enough, you'll do it. That the people who succeed are the ones who want it more.

That's not how it works.

Motivation is the spark, but it’s not the fire. It gets you started but it doesn't keep you going. The people who change aren't necessarily more motivated than everyone else. They've just built something that doesn't rely on motivation to function.

I've been writing a book this year. It’s about resilience and stress, and what actually helps people build the capacity to handle both.I'll be honest with you, there are chapters I've rewritten four times. There are mornings I've sat down at my desk and felt absolutely nothing in the way of motivation.

If I waited for motivation, the book would still be an idea.

Shall we talk about the messy middle?

Last month, I talked a lot about identity in transition. That uncomfortable, wobbly feeling of being neither the old you nor the new you yet. If you were in that place last month, you might be noticing something now.

The initial energy has probably faded a bit. The novelty has worn off. The thing you decided to change is starting to feel like hard work rather than exciting possibility.

This is the messy middle. Welcome! It's where most people give up. It's also where the real work kicks in. The messy middle feels like going backwards. Like you've lost the thread. Like maybe you were kidding yourself that anything would really be different this time.

You weren't kidding yourself. You're just at the part of the process that nobody puts on the motivation poster.

The old patterns could win… don’t let them!

When change doesn’t stick it doesn’t mean that you're weak, or uncommitted. It doesn’t mean that you’re not trying hard enough. It's that you're trying to change your behaviour without changing what's driving it.

Think of it this way. What you do is what's visible, the frontstage. What's driving it is the backstage stuff. These are your beliefs, patterns and those old stories you tell yourself about who you are and what you're capable of. These are the things you decided about yourself years ago that you've never gone back to question.

If you only work on the frontstage like the habits, the actions and the shiny new routines but the backstage stays exactly the same, the old patterns will keep winning. Every single time. They've had decades of practice.

Change that sticks means you have to go backstage.

How can we make it stick?

I'm not going to give you a five-step system. You've had plenty of those. But I will tell you what I've seen work, in my own life and in the people I work with.

First, get honest about what's really driving the behaviour you want to change. Not the surface version but the actual root. If you don't know what you're working with, you're just managing symptoms.

Second, expect the dip. The motivation dip, the confidence dip, the "what's the point" dip, the “will this even work” dip. It's coming. It's not a sign to stop. It's a sign you're in the messy middle and the work here is meaningful. Be prepared for it, not surprised by it..

Third, stop waiting to feel ready. Readiness is largely a fiction. It's something we use to protect ourselves from the discomfort of starting, or continuing when it gets hard. You won't feel ready. Do it anyway.

Finally, and I mean this seriously, get some support. Of course you can do it alone, but it is significantly harder than it needs to be. The people who make real, lasting change almost always have someone or something in their corner. A programme, a community, a coach or another professional, a conversation. Something that holds them when the motivation has gone quiet.

It’s slow and honest work

I mentioned I've been writing a book. It's about resilience and stress, specifically about why so much of what we do to manage stress doesn't actually work, and what does instead.

It's slow, honest work. Some chapters have come easily. Others have required me to sit with discomfort I'd rather have avoided. Which is, I suppose, fitting for the subject matter.

I'm sharing this because it's the most personal piece of work I've done professionally. Writing it has taught me a lot about my own relationship with change and momentum.

So what's stopping you?

If you started something earlier this year and you've lost the thread, that's normal. That's not failure. That's just the part of the process nobody talks about.

Instead of wondering why you lost momentum, consider what you're going to do about it now.

You don't need to go back to the beginning. You just need to take the next step. Even a small one. Even an uncomfortable one. You’d be surprised how much momentum can come just from taking the first step.

The version of you that you're becoming is on the other side of the messy middle. Not the comfortable side. The other side.

If you're ready to do the work that changes things, not just the surface stuff but the stuff underneath, explore what's available at wavesofpotential.com. Or drop me a message at Johanna@wavesofpotential.com. No pitch. Just an exploration of what might help you keep going through the messy middle.